This is my first time...I'll try not to be too shy!

This is my first blog...Well, not totally true. As a mother of three young kids, one who has a critical health condition, oliviakathrynfayespencer.blogspot.com, this is my first blog post about me! It feels strange to write about myself. It's foreign to me. As mothers, we tend to ignore ourselves and put our children first. Actually, first we put our husbands first...then come the kids, and with each one we seem to ignore our own wants and needs a little more. So, bare with me. This is my first time...I'll try not to be too shy! My name is Kendra, a 32 year old Iowa girl, who wishes she lived on a farm. Yes, it's true. A lot of us Iowans only wish we lived on a farm! I work full time and spend my "extra time" trying to keep a tidy home, chasing after my kids, and dabbling in photography. My youngest is 9 months old and still wakes up several times a night, so most days I'm just in survival mode. However, as I look in the mirror lately I'm not happy with what I see. 9 months later I am still only 15 lbs lighter than when I gave birth to my youngest son. This has never happened. Don't get me wrong, I have always had to work at it to be fit. I am one of those girls who eats looks at a delicious piece of cheesecake and gains 3 lbs. Directly after our first child, I weighed 193 pounds, but at 5'7" I carried it well. Plus, I was able to drop a little more weight due to the fact we had to spend several months in the hospital with her. She was born with a severe Congenital Heart Defect and has endured several open-heart surgeries. So, between walking around a hospital the size of a small city and the stress of a newborn with a critical health condition, I dropped a good 20 lbs before heading home.

Once we got home any further weight loss took a back seat as our daughter's health was still very critical. But, as the months passed, and a little bit of normalcy returned, I decided to enroll myself in Weight Watchers. This was my first time trying this program and it worked like a charm! I exercised for 30 minutes on the treadmill every day and followed the point system. In 4 1/2 months I lost 40 lbs! I went from 173 lbs to 133 lbs.

This was great and I felt on top of the world. However, just like with anything in life, the newness wore off and I slowly stopped exercising and began incorporating Little Debbies back into my diet! Before I knew it, 10 pounds was back on the scale...Just as I was trying to get things under control, my husband and I revisited the idea of having another child. Once we decided this was a reality I used it as a get-out-of-jail free card and ate myself out of house and home. Here I was again, after delivering my second child, only this time leaving the hospital at 170 lbs.

A month later I had already dropped another 10 lbs and slowly began walking a few times per week. The weight loss came a lot quicker with my second child. I can attribute this to being healthier before he was born than I was the first time around. By the time he was 6 months old I was down to 147 lbs and was happy where I was at for the time being.

Fast forward another year or so and the same story repeats itself. I slowly begin getting out of my routine and gaining weight, only to find out I'm pregnant with kiddo #3. This pregnancy I started off bigger and ended up gainging just as much as I did with my first. I also developed gestational diabetes and became insulin dependent during my pregnancy.

After baby #3 I left the hospital bigger than I ever have. And the weight just wasn't budging. Seriously, I have been gaining and losing the same 6 lbs for 9 months. I don't know if it is because I'm in my thirties this time around or just less motivated, but the weight is not moving.

I need to take things more seriously, as I have a high family history of Type II Diabetes on both sides. You add that with the fact that I had gestational diabetes and it's pretty much set in stone for my future. The specialist I saw while I was pregnant even put me on Metformin now. In the past, I wanted to lose weight to feel beautiful, but now it's also a necessity for my well being. So why am I having such a hard time getting and staying motivated? I even bought myself a fitbit, which is awesome....But, I can't seem to keep the momentum going. This is why I've started this blog. I'm hoping motivation from all of you will give me the strength to keep going. If I know I'm being held accountable I'm much more likely to succeed. So, here I am...all 192 lbs of me. It's such an embarassement for me to even say that number out loud...Well, to type it "out on the line" here! I feel like I've failed myself already. It's time I turn things around. Not to feel beautiful, although that's a major plus, but to feel healthy and live longer! Anybody else?